Helping a Victim

Tell them that you are concerned for their safety.  Let them know that you know abot the abuse and that it’s an unhealthy relatiionship.  The abuse affects not only the victim but everyone around them (family and friends). 

 Tell them that they are not alone and it’s not their fault no matter what.  No one has the right to treat another human being the way they have been treated. 

Be supportive.  Let them know that you are here for them no matter what.  They may not be ready to leave the relationship but they need to know that they can confide in someone and go to you for help when its time to leave.

 Avoid judging them.  They may go back and fourth into the relationship plenty of times before they decide to finally leave for good. 

Encourage your friend to talk to others who can provide support or resources for them.  Go online and print out information regarding abusive relaionships.  Give them websites, phone numbers and brochures.  Tell them there is help out there if they want it. 

Develop a safety plan.  Memorize phone numbers of family members, friends and the national teenage dating abuse number that you or the victim can call for help.

Never confront the abuser.  If he knows you know and that she’s confiding in someone about the abuse it may be worse and sometimes even deadly not only for the victim but for everyone involved.

Remember you cannot “rescue” the person.  It’s difficult to watch someone you care about and love get hurt all the time but you have to wait until they are ready to leave. Be supportive for your friend no matter what because if all you do is bash her for not leaving she’ll never confide in you again. 

Leaving an abusive relationship is a hard thing to do and very dangerous at times.  It’s easy for us to say you need to leave him but its harder then you think.  Depending on how long the abuse has been going on, the victim is mentally and emotionally scarred for the rest of their life.  Their self esteem is so low it may take months sometimes years to bring it up again.  So to have the courage and the will power to leave the relationship is going to take time.  They have been so dependant on the abuser because they have been intimidated and threatened so many times, that leaving may be the hardest thing they would ever have to do.  So be supportive and help them start planning to leave and let them see that there is life again little by little.